HOW ASSERTIVE ARE YOU?

ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS TO FIND OUT

There are three major ways of communicating with others: Passiveness, Assertiveness and Aggressiveness. Each of the three has their own benefits and pitfalls.

Sometimes being passive works, other times it does not work for us. Generally speaking, to be passive means we negate our own thoughts, feelings and behaviors at the expense of trying to please others.

In general, to be aggressive means we negate the thoughts, feelings and actions of others at the expense of trying to please ourselves.

There is a middle ground, a style of communication that respects the rights of others and ourselves. It is the ideal. It is called, ASSERTIVENESS.

The following 35 questions will be helpful in assessing your assertiveness skills.

For some questions, the Assertive end of the scale is measured at 0, and for others at 4.

Key:
0 means no or never.
1 means somewhat or sometimes.
2 means average.
3 means usually or a good deal.
4 means almost always or entirely.

Keep track of your score on a separate sheet of paper.

If someone treats you poorly do you let him know? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

Is it difficult for you to make decisions? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

Do you openly criticize others' ideas/behaviors? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

Do you speak-up if someone takes cuts in line? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

Do you avoid people for fear of embarrassment? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

Do you have confidence in your own judgement? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

Are you prone to "fly off the handle?" 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

Do you insist household chores be evenly divided? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

Is it hard to say "NO" to an aggressive salesman? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

If a latecomer is waited on first, do you object? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

Do you avoid speaking up in a heated discussion? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

If someone owes you money, do you mention it? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

Do you pursue arguments that are long over? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

Do you generally express what you feel? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

Are you disturbed if someone watches you at work? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

Is it difficult to keep eye contact when talking? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

If someone annoys you, do you ask him to stop? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

Do you tell a waitress if the service is poor? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

Do you return defective items to the store? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

When angry, do you swear or use name calling? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

Are you a wallflower in social situations? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

Do you often make decisions for others? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

Do you ask service providers to be accountable? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

Can you openly express love and affection? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

Can you ask friends for help or a favor? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

Do you think you always have the right answer? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

Can you verbally differ with someone you respect? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

Can you say NO to a peer's unreasonable request? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

Do you have difficulty giving praise to others? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

If second hand smoke bothers you, can you say so? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

Do you bully to get others to do what you want? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

Do you finish other people's sentence for them? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

Do you get into physical fights with others? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

At family meals, do you control the conversation? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

At meeting a stranger, are you the first to talk? 0, 1, 2, 3, 4

UNDER 65: OVERLY PASSIVE OR AGGRESSIVE.
65 TO 75: GENERALLY ASSERTIVE.
OVER 75 : OVERLY PASSIVE OR AGGRESSIVE.

ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION AND BEHAVIOR ARE SKILLS THAT CAN BE LEARNED TO ENHANCE THE QUALITY OF RELATIONSHIPS.

Written by,
Mark S. Rogers, LPC.
Licensed Professional Counselor.
(12/02).

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